It’s amazing how fast things can change. I look at things I made just weeks ago, and it’s like someone else made them. I almost can’t remember being that person.
October was great with making the holiday cards, and I learned a lot (to be noted here soon, I hope, for reference next year). Then everything seemed to pile on top of each other and I feel I’ve had very little time for creativity. I am putting some pressure on myself because I want to move what I make to a more personal level, and yet I am resisting that on some level, I think.
Also, I had a personal issue happen with two women whom I thought were good friends, and in the end I felt I had been presumptuous to think such a thing. More fool me. Now that has bled into my creative life and sapped my belief that I am doing something worth doing and not just pretending with all this paint and ephemera and imagery.
On the other hand, maybe I just have a cold!
I guess I trust that I will wake up tomorrow and find enjoyment in this again, and not put pressure on myself. Given that hanging over my head is the need to protest someone’s parole, maybe this is a good time to retreat into process and the act of doing without thinking so much, and find healing and solace that way. Tim Holtz already has two tags posted up on his blog, so maybe I’ll just do those and enjoy the process of creating rather than digging into myself for a while.
I leave in two weeks for Xmas vacation, so there’s not much time anyway; then I can return in January refreshed and restored and ready to see where I go from there.